I’m a Lebowski

You’re a Lebowski — that’s terrific.

Lord.

You can imagine where it goes from here.

He fixes the cable?

Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.

It’s like Lenin said

You look for the person who will benefit, and, uh –

I am the walrus.

Uh, uh –

I am the walrus.

You know what I’m trying to say.

I am the walrus.

That fucking bitch!

Yeah!

I am the walrus.

Shut the fuck up, Donny!  V.I. Lenin!  Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

What the fuck is he talking about, Dude?

Blow on them

Huh?

Go ahead.  Blow.

You want me to blow on your, uh, toes?

Uh huh.  I can’t blow that far.

All right!

Way to go Donny!

What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?

Dude.

Huh?

Uh, I don’t know, sir.

Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost?  Isn’t that what makes a man?

Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

Dude

Who eez this?

Dude, the bag man, man.  Where do you want us to go?

Us?

. . . Shit!

You want a toe?

I can get you a toe, believe me.  There are ways, Dude, you don’t even wanna know.

Yeah, but Walter –

Hell, I can get you a toe by three o’clock this afternoon, with nail polish.  Fuckin’ amateurs.

You got a good sasparilla?

Sioux City Sasparilla.

Yeah, that’s a good one.

I’m throwing rocks tonight

Mark it, Dude.

What’s Shabbos?

Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest.  That means I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t pick up the phone, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don’t fucking roll.  Shomer Shabbos!

Walter –

Shomer fucking Shabbos.

These are Mr. Lebowski’s children, so to speak

Different mothers, I guess?

What?  No.

Racially, he’s pretty cool?

My wife’s a pain in the ass,

She’s always bustin’ my friggin’ agates.  My daughter’s married to a real loser bastard.  I got a rash on my ass so big, I can’t even sit down.  But you know me.  I can’t complain.

Fuckin’ A, man.  I got a rash, man.

What do you do for recreation?

Oh, the usual.  I bowl.  Drive around.  The occasional acid flashback.

Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend

Hey, I’m not messing with your special lady.

She’s not my special lady, she’s my fucking lady friend.  I’m just helping her conceive, man.

Friends like these, huh, Gary?

That’s right, Dude.

You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling?

I didn’t bring it bowling. I didn’t rent it shoes. I’m not buying it a fucking beer. He’s not taking your fucking turn, Dude.

This aggression

will not stand.

The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fucking adversary.

Who’s in pajamas, Walter?

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Hey

at least I’m housebroken.