Uli?

Uli Kunkel?  Her co-star in the beaver picture?

Beaver?  Uh, you mean vagina?  I mean, you know the guy?

Phone’s ringing, Dude

Thank you, Donny.

Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?

Oh, is that what this is a picture of?

In a sense, yes.  My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men.  The word itself makes some men uncomfortable.  Vagina.

Oh yeah?

Yes, they don’t like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without batting an eye a man will talk about his “dick,” or his “rod,” or his “johnson.”

Johnson?

Did I urinate on your rug?

You mean, did you personally come and pee on my ..

Hello!  Do you speak English?  Parla-usted Inglese?  I’ll say it again.  Did I urinate on your rug?

No, like I said … Woo … peed on the rug.

Oh boy

How you gonna keep ’em down on the farm once they’ve seen Karl Hungus.

I

The royal we.

Fucking Germans.

Nothing changes.  Fucking Nazis.

They were Nazis, Dude?

Come on Donny, they were threatening castration!

Uh-huh.

Are we gonna split hairs here?

Does he still write?

Oh, no, he has health problems.

Could you slide your shorts down, Mr. Lebowski please?

What?  Uh, no, man, she hit me right here.

Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?

Excuse me?

Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?

I was talking about my rug.

You’re not interested in sex?

You mean coitus?

At 15 m.p.h. I roll outta here

double back, grab one of ’em, and beat it out of him.  Give me the uzi.

Uzi?!

Didn’t think I was rollin’ outta here naked, did ya?

He’s a good man

and thorough.

My advice to you is to do what your parents did

Get a job, sir!

Oh please, dear?

For your information the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!

I’ll suck your cock for a thousand dollars

Brandt can’t watch though, or he has to pay a hundred.

Fair?

Who’s the fucking nihilists around here?

Just one thing, Dude

Yeah, what’s what?

Do you have to use so many dang cuss words?

What the fuck are you talking about?

You ever hear of the Seattle Seven?

Hmm?

That was me . . . and six other guys.

He thinks the carpet-pissers did this?

Well Dude, we just don’t know.

Was there anything of value in the car?

Oh, uh, yeah . . . a tape deck . . . some Creedence tapes, my, uh, my briefcase.

And in the briefcase?

Uh, papers, my papers, just, you know, my . . . business papers.

And what do you do, sir?

. . .

I’m unemployed.